Say what you really mean.
Sometimes you need to tell someone exactly what is on your mind. If something has been bothering you, why keep it all inside; you are the only one who is going to suffer as a result. I’m definitely guilty of holding the resentment in in the past, and holding it in to the point where it could be deemed unhealthy.
Last night I rocked the boat and I liked it.
I wasn’t happy with things the way they were. I presented an ultimatum option. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t cry. I said exactly what I wanted to say.
The ball is no longer in my court.
But I will inevitably be the one who makes the decision of whether I am willing to accept the pass.
After a lengthy and cathartic phone conversation last night, I debriefed with Shauna and her mum (who’s visiting from Calgary). Nothing like a post-op debrief to mentally hash out everything you’ve said and to reinforce your expectations from the conversation.
What I took from last night’s events was the understanding that there are only two possible outcomes from this…I will be the same amount of happy that I am right now, or I will be happier than I am right now. Because I’ve spelled everything out, and presented the option… regardless of their choice I will be able to feel confident that I didn’t hold anything back. There were no surprises. I valued myself.
When you spell out your expectations and are willing to accept the other person’s decision either way, you gain a great sense of clarity and calm. I’ve said everything I want to say, and I’ve made it clear that I am no longer going to accept less than what I feel I deserve.
I deserve happiness.
If this person chooses to pass on the opportunity to continue to get to know me as a person, and accept the possibility that a serious long term relationship could result (if the stars should so align)…. then it truly is their loss, but I won’t begrudge presenting them with their right to make that choice. If they want to continue on this journey, and make the necessary efforts to be in my life, then I will consider that as well. Until then the tension in my shoulders is slowly easing.
Everything will work out just as it should.