I Rocked the Boat (and I Liked It)

Say what you really mean.

Sometimes you need to tell someone exactly what is on your mind. If something has been bothering you, why keep it all inside; you are the only one who is going to suffer as a result. I’m definitely guilty of holding the resentment in in the past, and holding it in to the point where it could be deemed unhealthy.

Last night I rocked the boat and I liked it.

I wasn’t happy with things the way they were. I presented an ultimatum option. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t cry. I said exactly what I wanted to say.

The ball is no longer in my court.

But I will inevitably be the one who makes the decision of whether I am willing to accept the pass.

After a lengthy and cathartic phone conversation last night, I debriefed with Shauna and her mum (who’s visiting from Calgary). Nothing like a post-op debrief to mentally hash out everything you’ve said and to reinforce your expectations from the conversation.

What I took from last night’s events was the understanding that there are only two possible outcomes from this…I will be the same amount of happy that I am right now, or I will be happier than I am right now. Because I’ve spelled everything out, and presented the option… regardless of their choice I will be able to feel confident that I didn’t hold anything back. There were no surprises. I valued myself.

When you spell out your expectations and are willing to accept the other person’s decision either way, you gain a great sense of clarity and calm. I’ve said everything I want to say, and I’ve made it clear that I am no longer going to accept less than what I feel I deserve.

I deserve happiness.

If this person chooses to pass on the opportunity to continue to get to know me as a person, and accept the possibility that a serious long term relationship could result (if the stars should so align)…. then it truly is their loss, but I won’t begrudge presenting them with their right to make that choice. If they want to continue on this journey, and make the necessary efforts to be in my life, then I will consider that as well. Until then the tension in my shoulders is slowly easing.

Everything will work out just as it should.

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13 thoughts on “I Rocked the Boat (and I Liked It)

  1. You just shut it down with the following words: “there are only two possible outcomes from this…I will be the same amount of happy that I am right now, or I will be happier than I am right now. Because I’ve spelled everything out, and presented the option… regardless of their choice I will be able to feel confident that I didn’t hold anything back. There were no surprises. I valued myself.”

    I also had a similar convo this weekend and laid out the terms. You are right it does feel good. I told the person what I wanted and what I needed if our friendship was going to move forward and grow, and not just go back to the same ol same ol.

    Great post! Thanks!

    • Doesn’t it feel like a huge relief? I don’t have enough energy for complicated. I’m glad that you like the post, let’s keep expecting to be valued. It’s the only way.

      • Hiya Laura
        Yes..it is a relief to get it out in the open…present one’s feelings in a calm and coherent manner. I have had to do this quite a few times and I was not always happy with the responses….but at least the air was cleared..and you are correct…if someone wants to stay on the periphery of our lives..then at least we know where we stand with them…and our actions will reflect their decision…………so much easier and stress free this way.
        What is that old adage?….Never make someone a priority in your life…if they only consider you to be an option.

    • The only thing better than helping yourself figure out how to get through a difficult time is helping others. I’m so glad you took something away from my post, and you are paying it forward in your own way 🙂

  2. It’s refreshing to know someone else feels this way! Sometimes I think people think I’m crazy because I often feel like I just need to say my point, even if it falls on deaf ears. I figure as long as I’m not being hurtful, it’s helping me so there’s no harm done. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    This is the first of your posts I stumbled upon (thanks to 29tolife), but I’m definitely looking forward to browsing through the rest!

  3. Wonderful post! You are young to have realized this! The older you become the more willing you will be to say what you mean and mean what you say. I loved this and I want to thank you for visiting my blog. Have a wonderful day!

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